Word Perfect

Ever wondered what life would be like without computers? With the English language now inundated with the JARGON that goes with computerization, how would our magnificent lingo be with out all those extra and somewhat bewildering words and acronyms that are springing into existence faster than housing estates in Swindon? Look at PDF, PCI, PCMCIA, JPEG, MFD, PMS, TWAIN ‘et al’, to name but a few… Confused already? You will be! Read on…

I was doing something of a graphical nature for a firm in the US, (c/o a firm in Germany... isn’t the internet wonderful!) and the US guy sent me a query regarding ‘PMS’. What on EARTH was he on about (hardly an FAQ I thought)? I computed that it must be a ‘man thing’ to enquire about that of a lady (and haven’t we all had that one ladies!) -Funny, especially as I had PMS the week before. It turned out, having embarrassed myself somewhat here, that this PMS was something to do with the PANTONE colours. Surely, any graphical person worth their ‘Wi-Fi’ should know that, but if he had meant ‘Pantone’ why didn’t he say PANTONE! My thoughts entirely. The dreaded Computer Brain jargon had struck again!

Jargon is a way of life with computers. The more commonly used ones in the field are things like ‘PDF’. So what does that mean? One could be forgiven for thinking it could just as well stand for PeDoFile. (pedophile) but it actually means ‘Portable Document Format…’ and BITMAP- bits of maps?- who knows! A GIF is a Graphics Interchange Format, (interchange???) and the more commonly known Jpeg is actually a Joint Picture [Experts] Group, so what does THAT mean? I am none the wiser! But what about some of the other jargon whose sole purpose seems to bamboozle? Take OEM (computer’s ‘home’?) for instance? This is actually Original Equipment Manufacturer, which in itself is a boggling way of describing the programmes you get already installed on the computer when you buy one! Come across FAT yet (no NOT ‘Full And Tasty’)? It’s a File Allocation Table but in disguise! And then there’s DOS (dirty operating system? We’ve all heard that one!). This is actually… Disk Operating System! But in my opinion the best is yet to come… how about TWAIN… Know that one? Well according to legend this stands for... wait for it… Technology Without An Interesting Name!

If you identify with what is revealed here, or you if don’t know many or any of the above, then you ‘suffer’ from JaRDS! Jargon Related Deficiency Syndrome…Don’t worry about this... there is light at the end of the WAN (Wide Area Network)! The ‘cure’ is gradual exposure to the source... Computers or boffins! By jabbering on to someone in the know, once you get over the initial gobbledegook, when the ‘yadda yadda yadda’ turns into terms you can relate to, you are on your way to joining the masses who don’t really know what anyone is talking about!

The Cats Whiskers..? or OURS!

Catnip (Nepeta cataria) -an expose.

“The later Herbalists do cal it ‘Herba Cataria’ and ‘herba catti’ because the cats are very much delighted herewith, for the smel of it is so very pleasant to them, that they rub themselves upon it, and wallow or tumble in it, and also feed on the branches and leaves very greedily’
-Gerard

When I first introduced my cat to catnip I could barely believe my eyes as what she did so astonished me that I had to find out more about what was turning my mottled moggy into a herb-head! So, following my padded pawsteps softly, I delved into the world of this historical and mysterious herb…. On my journey I found this old saying about this plant: “If you set it, the cats will eat it, If you sow it, the cats don’t know it”. I have yet to try this out but I have had it on good authority that this is exactly the case…

Catnip is a relative of the mint family (sometimes called catmint) and can grow to about knee high (to humans) or higher. It has soft downy heart shaped leaves (making it an ideal Valentine gift for your cat) with serrated edges and can be found commonly growing wild. The flowers are thrust up on spikes in clusters and are generally pale in colour. And the scent…? Well that depends... If you are a CAT, it’s heaven sent!

On the other hand… Why should cats have all the fun? Well you may well ask. Answer? They don’t. We can have ‘fun’ or reap the benefits of this herb too. Folklore suggests that this herb can be ‘used as a tea to calm a person with troubles’. It has also had a minor usage in folk charms and in some areas it even appears as a ‘Religious Herbe’…

As for any medicinal or remedial value, it has been highly recommended in the treatment of colds! And why not? It IS a member of the MINT family after all, whose long traditions of the treatment of colds and other congestions is legendary even today. Yes, we remember that ‘menthol rub’, that inhalation where as kids we were tied to that chair and forced –with towel over our heads- to breath in and inhale the healing vapors that brought a sense of warmth to our weary selves during times of colds and chills, and even if we may not have thought so at those particular times, BOY were we ever grateful for the relief that the minty menthol properties brought us!

Going back into lore and tradition though, Catnip has been said to be useful in the treatment of fevers and because it tastes quite reasonable even to us non-cat and lesser mortals (humans), it has actually been made regularly as a tea for this purpose… Having said this though, it does seem to contain properties as a stimulant and in parts of Wales has even been used as an antispasmodic! Other sources believe that Catnip is good for nervous disorders and even insanity (just call me Moon-Unit)! But before you all go spiking someone’s tea with this seemingly sensational herb, spare a thought for our Feline Friends... What would THEY do with out it? After all, this herb is named after them and perhaps that is a good enough reason to leave it for the Cat to